Turning 1 Year Old: Looking Back and Celebrating!

HELLO EVERYONE!!! I want to share some very special news:

As of today, February 4th (which is World Cancer day...cool, right?!), it has been ONE YEAR since my life-saving, cancer-kicking bone marrow transplant! My family and I call this my "second birthday," so basically, the new, healthy Sarah is now one year old! 12 days from now will be the day that my sister's cells engrafted in my bone marrow, meaning that that marks the day I was determined cancer-free. I looked back at my Mom's post after my transplant and at my post on engraftment day, and I honestly cannot believe I'm standing here now, healthy, strong, back at school, and having hair that's growing longer and longer every day! Preparing for chemo, it seemed as though each round would last a lifetime...preparing for transplant, it seemed as if I'd be stuck on the floor forever...preparing to go to the hotel for my 100 day period of isolation seemed like those 100 days would never end. Even just waiting to go back to school while working on getting stronger with physical therapy seemed like I'd literally never make it back to SLU. Yet, here I am, sitting in my wonderful apartment with a balcony looking over my beautiful home city of Saint Louis. I know that it is an absolute miracle that I'm here, and words cannot describe how blessed I feel to be healthy and back to "normal" life...well, maybe a "new normal." I can't really say my life is the same anymore after my journey of the past year and a half. However, I really can say that I believe my life has changed for the better. I am meeting amazing people and finding incredible opportunities resulting from my experience, and as I often say, God has made so, so much good come from such a horrible disease.

As I was going through past posts, I wanted to share some excerpts that I found that made me smile, cry, laugh, and reminisce tonight. It's cool to look back and remember my absolute, stubborn confidence that I was stronger with cancer, and humbling to look back at all I've been through. I didn't often write on this blog detailed descriptions of the serious complications, extreme pain, and other side effects I went through simply because I wanted to stay as positive as possible and focus not on how the cancer was winning small battles, but how I was demolishing the cancer! However, memories of my experience show me how blessed I truly am and how I should never take my health and normalcy for granted.

Here are a few snippets from my first couple of months of treatment; the first is from my very first blog post a few days after my diagnosis:

      "Surprisingly, I feel SO hopeful. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and while I don't know why God has me here, I know that he will make good out of this situation somehow. Yes, I have cancer. And yes, it is going to be a long journey that is not going to be easy. However, I am STRONG, I am TOUGH, and I know without a doubt that I will beat this!!! I know that God has some amazing plans for my life, so I know that this stupid leukemia is just a roadblock I have to get through. ...Just remember that cancer can't make me crumble; I am one tough cookie :)"

      "'Kiss my ass, cancer!' Okay, this is Sarah's Mom; for those of you who don't know me, I never use that kind of language.  But today, I am.  I hope you don't mind. While Sarah was at home for a short time, she received the most wonderful gift from her sorority sisters: an album full of supportive notes and good wishes.  Sarah and I cried and laughed reading each one.  One of my favorites says: 'Kiss My Ass! said Sarah to cancer.'  We dried our tears and chuckled over that one."

      "No matter how sick I feel sometimes, I know that my tears are tears of bravery. I am courageous enough to go through some really painful, tough stuff so that I can beat the nasty cancer in my body. And trust me, no matter how much it might hurt...I will never, never give up."

Here is a portion of my Mom's post after my transplant and my post when I had engrafted and was cancer free!

      "As you all know, Monday, February 4 became Sarah’s new birthday!  On that evening, Sarah received the precious stem cells which were harvested over a span of two days from her sister, Mary.  Mary’s courage in undergoing this procedure was remarkable.
...During Mary’s time of injections and preparations, Sarah also garnered lots of courage in enduring four days of twice-daily radiation and then two days of aggressive chemo.  The side effects of these treatments have been difficult for our Tough Cookie.  We liken these days post-transplant to Marine boot camp.  For these weeks, while we wait for Mary’s cells to engraft and Sarah’s counts to recover, Sarah lives on the transplant floor with a challenging regimen of exercise, nutrition, and other requirements, no matter how she feels physically.  No excuses allowed.  Boot camp, indeed…but all designed for a healthy outcome.
...As you can imagine, it was terribly difficult to watch two of my children suffer through the pre-transplant procedures, as well as the transplant itself.  But the strength that comes from watching the kind of unconditional love to which we all aspire kept me going.  Mary never, ever complained, even once.  Sarah has never, ever told me that this challenge is too hard to overcome. 
...And, so, we wait.  We await engraftment.  We wait for Sarah’s counts to rise again, so that her pain will decrease.  As hard as it is, I have learned that waiting is holy.  Waiting forces all of us to look to God’s face for help and hope.  We train our gaze on Him, trusting in the promise of Romans 8:28…that somehow, in some way, good will come from these  experiences. ...We wait, and we trust. Know that Sarah remains firm in her faith.  Know that your many cards and well wishes have lifted her up on some of her roughest days.  Thank you to her wonderful friend, Megan, who traveled all the way from St. Louis just to be with Sarah on the 4th.  Thanks to all the Kappa Deltas who continue to be such a support to their sorority sis—even sending her the largest teddy bear I have ever seen!  Thanks to all for your love and prayers for our tough cookie."

      "I have some AMAZING NEWS today!!!
I can now officially say:
I AM CANCER FREE!!!
Yesterday my counts went WAY up, meaning that my sister’s cells have officially “engrafted” to my bone marrow!! With my white cell counts coming up to an almost normal level, most of the pain and side effects I’ve had have almost magically disappeared and finally left a happy, comfortable Sarah. Today I was talking with my Aunt and said something about me having cancer; she said, “Sweetie, you don’t have cancer anymore.” It totally took me by surprise. I knew I was going to be cancer free after my transplant, but the engraftment makes it official. WOW. Thinking about all I’ve been through since this whole process began, from mid-September to as little as 3 days ago, I can’t believe that I’m moving from being a cancer patient to a cancer survivor. 
The word survivor holds so much meaning for me: it means that I was challenged to fight for the rest of my life, and I not only stepped up to the plate…I WON.
...Tonight, I’m praising God and counting my blessings for a successful transplant that is giving me years and years of LIFE and a life that will be lived with more contentment and meaning than I would have found otherwise. “Living life to the fullest” sure does have a whole new meaning to a girl who can now say that she is a SURVIVOR."

Today, I celebrated my milestone with my friend Megan, who came to Chicago for my transplant last year. We had so much fun celebrating my "1st birthday" by going to a fun hibachi restaurant. We had a blast! The cook even did some special tricks for my birthday! Here are some fun pics especially for those who haven't seen me in a while. Gotta keep you updated on the hair growth!! :)

Also, here are some pictures of my favorite Saint Louis landmark, the Arch, and the awesome view from my balcony!

A HUGE THANK YOU for all of the cards, care packages, and the flowers I received today to mark my special 1st birthday!!! Once again I was absolutely overwhelmed by love and kindness and so many people remembering and taking the time to help me celebrate. You are all so close to my heart and I could never thank you enough for your generosity and support!

Also, a little shout out to my new Relay For Life committee family! I am now on committee for our campus's HUGE American Cancer Society fundraiser, and meeting everyone and getting involved has been incredible. They are so welcoming to me with open arms and share my passion in helping ACS provide/fund support to cancer patients and prevention/research of cancer. It's so amazing to walk into a room where everyone either has had an experience with cancer, has known someone with cancer, or is passionate about helping those with cancer. I am so excited to continue working with the fabulous committee, and even more excited for the actual Relay event in April!

Well, time to go to bed since I have my "adventures in nursing school" tomorrow, AKA studying for pharmacology. :) Studying may not sound like fun, but saying a sentence like that is something I used to absolutely long for and I am thankful to be able to say now! Especially after today's reminiscing, I am going to try to stop taking things for granted so often...join me?

Love always,

Sarah
xoxo

A big HELLOOOO to my family, friends, and supporters! Since we just had a holiday of thankfulness and I have a TON to be thankful for, I thought it was time for the update some people have been asking me for.

First, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I don't really even remember last year's Thanksgiving, but looking back at my blog I had just recently had surgery, had a neutropenic fever, and bad nausea, so I probably didn't have it in me to eat the dry turkey and cold, flavorless mashed potatoes I got in the hospital. Definitely not my best Thanksgiving memory. This year, though, I got to spend Thanksgiving with my family! We went over to my Uncle Tim and Aunt Patty's house and had dinner with them and Aunt Patty's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Piekarczyk, with my grandparents joining us for dessert. Everything was delicious, and we had a blast! Unfortunately my little brother Ben came down with a bug, so my mom stayed home with him. They had their own little Thanksgiving with all of the family favorites to eat, and Ben was more than content after renting NBA 2k13! :) Here are some pictures from Thanksgiving!

It was special to have Thanksgiving with my Aunt Patty as she is also a leukemia survivor! Here's a picture of us:

I have so, so much to be thankful for. I honestly still cannot believe that I am so healthy! I am still working on getting my strength back, but I am miles from where I used to be. I go to workout at the gym all the time now, doing the elliptical, running, lifting weights, doing abs, stretching. Just working as hard as I can to get my body where it needs to be! At the beginning of fall, I reached an exciting goal: I ran a whole mile! That doesn't sound like much, but for me, it was incredible and showed me that I was getting my strength back. Here's a picture I took to document the "historic moment" :)

 Also, I expected that this year I would get sick a lot due to my brand new immune system. However, I have only gotten one small cold that I tolerated well. Otherwise...nothing! I feel so blessed to be where I am...it is truly a miracle.

I am extremely excited that in only 10 days, my sorority, Kappa Delta (KΔ) is having an event on campus...that I'll be visiting for!!! That's right, I will finally get to step foot on SLU's campus for the first time since before I was diagnosed. The event is absolutely amazing: in honor of my sorority sister Emily (who had bone cancer but is now cancer free like I am!) and me, my sisters have organized a hair donation event called Kuts for CΔnfidence where people are pledging to cut their hair to donate for free wigs for cancer patients.

This event is extremely personal to me. I've donated my hair many times growing up, even as recently as the spring of my freshman year of college! I received a free wig when I had cancer, which was an amazing gift. The kind of wigs I wanted, believe it or not, ranged from $500-1,000 and up. My cousin took charge of contacting the American Cancer Society, who works with Locks of Love and Pantene Beautiful Lengths, and I was invited to come and have a fitting for a free wig! I am happy to say that as time went on, I learned to be more comfortable with being bald, and adopted a phrase from my sorority sister Emily: “Bald is Beautiful”! However, that wig helped me to get back my confidence and femininity. Although over time I readopted those traits, hair or no hair, the wig was the security blanket I needed for a little while, and I owe that to all of the women who have selflessly donated hair so that women like me could receive an amazing gift free of cost. The fact that my sisters, many of whom have not even met me yet, would be willing to give away something so personal is absolutely moving. I cannot WAIT to see all of my sisters again and meet the 2 new classes that have joined my sisterhood! I am especially excited to meet my littles, Nicole and Jenna. When you join a sorority, you are paired up with a "Big," or a big sister. I desperately wanted to be a big, and I am SO excited to say that I now have a little family with not just one little, but twins!! (Not actual twins by birth, but if you are assigned two littles they call them twins :)) Here is a picture of me skyping in at the big-little reveal when they found out that I was their big!

The 3 of us text, Facebook, and Snapchat each other ALL the time, and they keep me posted on everything on campus. I cannot WAIT to finally meet them! We are 3 peas in a pod, and have so much in common. We were seriously meant to be. I love them so much already!

My last bit of news, which many of you already know, is that I am going BACK TO SLU NEXT SEMESTER!!! I will be jumping right back in to resume my nursing studies. I absolutely cannot wait to get back "home" on campus and be independent again. Less than two months now until I go back! YAY!!!

All my love to all my fantastic supporters who have never left my side! Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, gifts, and kind words throughout this crazy journey. You helped me through cancer and now I am healthy and going back to school! You are all AMAZING!

Love always,

Sarah <3

Happy Half-Birthday To Me (I'm 6 Months Old) !!

Well, hello, hello, hello!

That's right: today is my "half-birthday." Yes, it has been exactly 6 months since my life-saving bone marrow transplant! On the day of my transplant, receiving my little sister's strong and healthy cells, I don't think I could think much further than getting through that night. However, here I am, 6 months later, healthy, healthy, healthy!!!

It has been way too long since I last did a major update. I apologize! I have been busy with (hold on to your hats)...GETTING BACK TO NORMAL! That's right: I am healthy, strong, and adjusting to this thing called a "new normal." Thanks to my hard work at Physical Therapy 3 times a week, I can do things like climb up and down stairs and get up from sitting on the ground without too much difficulty. Now that I can be out and about in public, I've also gotten back to my shopping habit and having dinner or seeing movies with friends! I can't begin to tell you all how liberating it feels when I'm backing out of the driveway, wearing jeans and having hair on my head, going out to get a bite to eat or do something fun. For those of you who haven't gotten to see me in a while, here are some recent pictures alongside a picture from transplant day 6 months ago to compare. :)

Transplant day!

My hair is long enough for a headband now! Woo hoo! :)

At my little sister (and my little life-saving donor!)'s ballet performance in Chicago (she got the lead role!)

Also a big celebration: a few weeks ago I got my Hickman catheter out! My Hickman was basically a tube going into a major vein that was used for giving chemo or medications, or drawing blood. Now that I have it out I don't have to have a big itchy dressing on my chest all the time, and, even better, I get to shower!! When the hickman was in, I was only allowed to take baths so the tubes didn't get wet. That first shower after months and months of only baths felt like HEAVEN. My Mom told me I was allowed to use up all the hot water if I wanted...and I did!! :) Here's me getting ready to have the line taken out. You can see the dressing and the tubes they'd use to give meds/take blood (called lumens):

 I feel so AMAZINGLY blessed to be standing where I am now. I've been through so much since my diagnosis, but here I stand, almost 1 year later, strong, healthy, and having kicked cancer's butt!!! Unfortunately my doctor didn't think I'd be ready to go back to school this fall, but as long as everything goes as planned, he thinks that I should be ready to go back by January to start Spring semester! I can't WAIT to get back to Saint Louis and just be a college student again.

Thank you all for your unending thoughts, prayers, and support! God is so, so good.

Love,

Sarah <3

Thankfulness Doesn't Always Come Naturally

Hello again!! It's been WAY too long since I actually posted on here and it's definitely time for a new entry. First of all, thank you for all of the wonderful birthday wishes at the beginning of the month! Even though I had to stay in my princess tower (a.k.a. hotel room :)) as I'm not quite to day 100 after transplant yet, I had a great birthday! I had my regular doctor visit in the morning and one of my nurse practitioners made me an adorable cake, presented while the staff sang happy birthday. It was SO thoughtful...and so yummy! My Mom also made me my favorite carrot cake with cream cheese frosting, a family recipe that is absolutely to die for. I had a fantastic birthday and, as my Mom kept reminding me, I'm no longer a teenager! What a weird thought. I do like how one of my sorority sisters put it when she wrote on my facebook wall: I'm beginning a new, cancer-free decade. Being thankful for the healing I've experienced is something I've been working on a LOT.

As mentioned before, I'm still trapped in the hotel until May 15th, which means today is day 82 out of 100. I can't go into stores or any other buildings (besides my twice weekly doctor visits at the hospital), and when I'm in the hotel lobby or at the hospital I have to wear a mask to keep germs away. My immune system is getting stronger as I go more and more days after transplant, but it's still a brand new immune system, like a baby's, so I will have to slowly build up my immunity. Also, and I've been asked about this, yes, unfortunately, I will have to get my baby shots again in about a year.

I still have to do that hour of walking every day to keep my heart and lungs healthy. I thought over time that I'd learn to like it or at the very least tolerate it...but it seems that every time I have to get up and do my walks I dread it. I have to do a total of an hour of walking a day, so I split it into two 30 minute walks. The chilly Chicago weather has kept me inside for the majority of the 100 days, walking the hallways and climbing stairs to complete my 30-minute sessions. However, thankfully the weather has taken a turn in the last couple of days and I've been able to walk outside at a park just down the street from my hotel! At least walking outside is better than the hallways; warm sun, fresh air, and things to look at. Still, it's so hard for me to honestly enjoy walking. My leg muscles are still building back up so they usually ache, and 30 minutes seems more like hours.

When my Mom takes me on walks, she often comments how thankful she is. Thankful mostly that I'm finally out of the hospital, feeling the fresh air and sunshine rather than looking out the big windows in the infamous hospital hallway I'd have to walk in. I have so much more to be thankful for, too...thankful that my cancer was curable; thankful for the support of my family and friends; thankful for my sister giving me new life by donating her stem cells to me; thankful for my body responding well to the transplant; thankful for the families who fundraised enough for me to stay in a nice hotel for my 100 days; thankful that, although I can't go many places, I can go practically anywhere outside; thankful that I have a healthy heart and lungs; thankful that I have an amazing doctor who's giving me the best care I could get; and so much more. I'm trying so hard to be more positive and see these great factors rather than focusing on not being back at school, not having my hair back, or having to walk an hour a day for who knows how long. My Mom often reminds me that it's much easier in life to look at what you don't have...but it sure will make you miserable. Pray for me that I can begin to find more joy in warm days and finally breathing in fresh, non-hospital air!

Peace and love coming your way tonight!

Love,

Sarah

A Big THANK YOU and an Update!

Here's my blog post for today...as a video! Enjoy! :)

I'm a SURVIVOR

I have some AMAZING NEWS today!!!

I can now officially say:

I AM CANCER FREE!!!

Yesterday my counts went WAY up, meaning that my sister’s cells have officially “engrafted” to my bone marrow!! With my white cell counts coming up to an almost normal level, most of the pain and side effects I’ve had have almost magically disappeared and finally left a happy, comfortable Sarah. Today I was talking with my Aunt and said something about me having cancer; she said, “Sweetie, you don’t have cancer anymore.” It totally took me by surprise. I knew I was going to be cancer free after my transplant, but the engraftment makes it official. WOW. Thinking about all I’ve been through since this whole process began, from mid-September to as little as 3 days ago, I can’t believe that I’m moving from being a cancer patient to a cancer survivor. The word survivor holds so much meaning for me: it means that I was challenged to fight for the rest of my life, and I not only stepped up to the plate…I WON.

As I lay in my hospital bed with tears of joy but exhaustion from a long and difficult battle, I’m preparing for the last leg of my journey. Although it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, I have worked my butt off through this entire transplant. Although I was really sick, in pain, and exhausted from getting chemo and radiation before my transplant, every day on the bone marrow transplant floor I had to meet certain goals: Be out of bed and in a chair for 10 hours a day; eat 1,500 calories a day; exercise 60 minutes a day; and take 2 baths a day. All of these measures are to make sure that patients stay strong during transplant since it’s such a critical time. Staying in bed all day, for example, can very easily cause pneumonia, which could be fatal to someone with low white blood cell counts. While it was extremely difficult to meet all of my goals, I was absolutely determined to get out of this hospital as soon as possible. In order to be discharged from the hospital, the nurses had to have charted that I was accomplishing all my daily tasks no matter how high my counts were. My doctor estimated about 2 weeks from transplant until I could leave, but my social worker warned me that most people take 3-4 weeks to reach the eating and exercise goals. However, my doctor told me I was ready to leave on DAY 12 after transplant!!! I had worked so hard every day, even when I was feeling sick or in pain, and it ended up paying off. All those prayers for strength and endurance were definitely heard, so thank you for all of you guys who were praying for me! <3

Here are some awesome pictures from the actual transplant:

 My brave little donor who saved my life <3 Love you, Mary!!!

As I said above, I’m now on the homestretch: getting ready for the rest of my 100 days that I’ll spend in an extended-stay hotel. It’s actually a really nice room that’s almost like a little apartment for me! I still have strict rules to follow about diet, exercise, and keeping myself away from germs. However, to me this is like the sprint at the end of a marathon; the finish line is finally in sight. Thoughts of going back to school, going on vacation, or even just little things like going shopping or going out to eat are keeping my head up and becoming more real every day!

Overall right now, life is GOOD. I’m almost pain-free, I’m out of the hospital in just a day or two, and I STILL have amazing family and friends supporting me every step of this final sprint. Tonight, I’m praising God and counting my blessings for a successful transplant that is giving me years and years of LIFE and a life that will be lived with more contentment and meaning than I would have found otherwise. “Living life to the fullest” sure does have a whole new meaning to a girl who can now say that she is a SURVIVOR.

Love love love,

Sarah

<3

P.s. This song was all I could think about while writing this post, so enjoy a little old school Beyonce ;)

Hope and pray!

Hi to all of Sarah’s family, friends, and supporters!
This is Sarah’s Mom, providing an update on her progress after the bone marrow transplant, with her permission.  Sarah has not felt up to writing her own blog entry for a little while, so I thought I should let you all know how she has been doing.
As you all know, Monday, February 4 became Sarah’s new birthday!  On that evening, Sarah received the precious stem cells which were harvested over a span of two days from her sister, Mary.  Mary’s courage in undergoing this procedure was remarkable; she had to undergo injections for five days to generate extra cells.  These injections cause muscle and bone pain.  Then Mary had a central line surgically implanted and had to lay still for 8 hours the first day (and about 5 the second) as the apheresis machine did its work.  Mary was the youngest and smallest donor that Loyola has worked with, so she received some extra attention to be sure all went smoothly.
During Mary’s time of injections and preparations, Sarah also garnered lots of courage in enduring four days of twice-daily radiation and then two days of aggressive chemo.  The side effects of these treatments have been difficult for our Tough Cookie.  We liken these days post-transplant to Marine boot camp.  For these weeks, while we wait for Mary’s cells to engraft and Sarah’s counts to recover, Sarah lives on the transplant floor with a challenging regimen of exercise, nutrition, and other requirements, no matter how she feels physically.  No excuses allowed.  Boot camp, indeed…but all designed for a healthy outcome.
It is hoped that within two weeks, this engraftment will occur.  After that, Sarah will begin her 100 days of isolation in a specially-contracted hotel room close by the hospital.  She will continue to maintain the strict protocols for transplant recipients, and spend two days a week back here at Loyola in a special outpatient-type unit.
As you can imagine, it was terribly difficult to watch two of my children suffer through the pre-transplant procedures, as well as the transplant itself.  But the strength that comes from watching the kind of unconditional love to which we all aspire kept me going.  Mary never, ever complained, even once.  Sarah has never, ever told me that this challenge is too hard to overcome.  And we were astonished at what happened on the 4th, transplant day…nearly 1500 people pledged to pray for Sarah that day.  Hundreds prayed and fasted, too, from all faith backgrounds and beliefs.  Many were strangers to us—friends of friends, and some had simply heard Sarah’s story and felt called to lift her up to God.  The Holy Spirit was moving powerfully that day, and we felt it.
And, so, we wait.  We await engraftment.  We wait for Sarah’s counts to rise again, so that her pain will decrease.  As hard as it is, I have learned that waiting is holy.  Waiting forces all of us to look to God’s face for help and hope.  We train our gaze on Him, trusting in the promise of Romans 8:28…that somehow, in some way, good will come from these  experiences.  How about you?  What are you waiting for? What is causing difficulty in your life? God undoubtedly uses suffering to advance the gospel, even when we cannot comprehend it.  We wait, and we trust.
Know that Sarah remains firm in her faith.  Know that your many cards and well wishes have lifted her up on some of her roughest days.  Thank you to her wonderful friend, Megan, who traveled all the way from St. Louis just to be with Sarah on the 4th.  Thanks to all the Kappa Deltas who continue to be such a support to their sorority sis—even sending her the largest teddy bear I have ever seen!  Thanks to all for your love and prayers for our tough cookie.  I’m sure she will be posting soon, when Mary’s cells have found their home in Sarah’s bone marrow.  Hope and pray!
Love, Mrs. W.